things were not always the greatest in the village. and after coming back from america? they were pretty dark, but don’t worry, things do get better!

exactly one month since i wrote in this journal. i wrote in my red india journal on my trip home. it was nice to be back but now i want to go back for good. i’m hating it here. yesterday it hit me. i should just go home. so i’m giving it 2 weeks. then things should be way better or way worse. then i feel like i can make a for sure decision about if i stay here or not.

well one good thing happened (well, 2, depending on how you look at it). so eliot was supposed to go and take a book back for me the last time i was on transport and yesterday the guy who the book belongs to came looking fro it. eliot never gave it to him. so i’ve been a bit stressed about that but bawesley just told me that eliot was going to ‘prepare it and let us know.’ whatever that means. hopefully it means it is going to be returned. and happy number 2? i just made myself another gin and juice!

so i think the main problem is what i always thought was fake. a quarter life crisis. i’m so listless and i don’t feel like i have any sort of direction at all. it doesn’t help that i sorta got in trouble for only having 3 activities on my last quarterly report. and nothing seems to be going my way. i’m way too negative to even write. so i’ll just go back to reading and trying to forget that i’m in zambia.

things of note: the baby’s name is christa. grandpa is doing better. joy speaks way more chitonga that me now. and i’m too depressed to think of other things i wanted to write.